tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7056412682902410966.post1334979727608246926..comments2023-04-14T04:53:16.402-07:00Comments on And Lucy Writes!: I have no choiceAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05541776489302692674noreply@blogger.comBlogger11125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7056412682902410966.post-54735163696339043812012-05-20T07:49:28.536-07:002012-05-20T07:49:28.536-07:00Thank you Marcy. The detective's pain was what...Thank you Marcy. The detective's pain was what I was focusing on!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05541776489302692674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7056412682902410966.post-40062783159076648272012-05-20T07:48:07.883-07:002012-05-20T07:48:07.883-07:00Thank you! Your suggestions are very helpful. I ap...Thank you! Your suggestions are very helpful. I appreciate you taking the time to helping me out!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05541776489302692674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7056412682902410966.post-45816450972652327652012-05-20T07:42:00.366-07:002012-05-20T07:42:00.366-07:00I love the intensity you achieved in this very sho...I love the intensity you achieved in this very short interaction. You really made me feel the detective's pain.Marcyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/18146625702822086807noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7056412682902410966.post-74204921672017729302012-05-20T01:51:25.225-07:002012-05-20T01:51:25.225-07:00The raw emotion here is perfect for present tense....The raw emotion here is perfect for present tense. <br /><br />concrit: I need to quiet the demons that reside in my mind and is fed by the ugliness I spend all day fighting. The consequence is that I end up taking them home with me.<br /><br />You've some mixed tenses happening here. The demons I'm assuming are the subject that needs feeding. "I need to quiet the demons that reside in my mind and are fed by the ugliness I spend all day fighting."<br /><br />I'd go a little further to tighten the phrasing though: "I need to quiet the demons residing in my mind. They're fed by the ugliness I fight daily and bring home nightly."<br /><br />Just some suggestions.<br /><br />Great vignette and take on the prompt! Well done!Shelton Keys Dunninghttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10551666631783476472noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7056412682902410966.post-69308953859127901192012-05-19T19:39:06.467-07:002012-05-19T19:39:06.467-07:00Very nice, lots of torment and anguish.Very nice, lots of torment and anguish.Patricia JLhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/17582005500429122486noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7056412682902410966.post-90949681913628804422012-05-19T16:55:33.788-07:002012-05-19T16:55:33.788-07:00Love this-He's so tormented and it comes acros...Love this-He's so tormented and it comes across in the piece. I'd love to follow him for a day, figure out what makes him go to the bar every night.AmandaDFhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/15583952102240050607noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7056412682902410966.post-21869648420148438462012-05-19T10:02:54.628-07:002012-05-19T10:02:54.628-07:00Nice scene.you've crafted some great questions...Nice scene.you've crafted some great questions that intrigue the reader and make them want more.<br /><br />I really enjoyed the imagery of looking down into the glass and seeing those shattered lives. Fabulous visual.Carriehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03472645003197467754noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7056412682902410966.post-32937458606778913672012-05-19T08:11:21.897-07:002012-05-19T08:11:21.897-07:00Lol...I knew I should have asked my 24 year old so...Lol...I knew I should have asked my 24 year old son how much a shot of whiskey cost! Great lesson learned - do the researchAnonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05541776489302692674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7056412682902410966.post-27029860075472367472012-05-19T07:51:08.072-07:002012-05-19T07:51:08.072-07:00I welcome the critiques. Thank you!I welcome the critiques. Thank you!Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05541776489302692674noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7056412682902410966.post-56584968622884167402012-05-19T07:38:13.126-07:002012-05-19T07:38:13.126-07:00A great take on a classic theme. First, I need to ...A great take on a classic theme. First, I need to know where I can get two shots of whiskey for $10 - cuz that's a deal! <br /><br />Great take on the prompt!<br /><br />- Barbara @ de rebus, www(dot)barbaragildea(dot)comBarbarahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05481035784237871634noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-7056412682902410966.post-57502307358148771022012-05-19T06:19:24.807-07:002012-05-19T06:19:24.807-07:00I love this. I think you did a great job showing ...I love this. I think you did a great job showing the ongoing consequences here. Two small bits of concrit:<br /><br />"I need to quiet the demons that reside in my mind and is fed by the ugliness I spend all day fighting." - should be ARE not IS<br /><br />"I stare down at the remaining shot of mahogany liquid of comfort I can feel the hot tears stinging the back of my eyes." - should be two sentences.<br /><br />I do have to say I love this line : "From the bottom of the glass shattered dreams and bodies stare back at me with vacant eyes of death."<br /><br />Nice job!dontpanic2011https://www.blogger.com/profile/03748395349482914590noreply@blogger.com