Friday, May 18, 2012

I have no choice



I pull open the heavy door to Sparky’s Bar.  I feel another piece of my soul break off and shame fill the empty place left behind. I don’t want to be here but I have no other choice.  I need to quiet the demons that reside in my mind and is fed by the ugliness I spend all day fighting. The consequence is that I end up taking them home with me.

The dark coolness and faint dismal odor of wet carpet greet me as I walk past the abandoned game of pool and sit at the bar. 

“Bill, pour me two today”. 

I watch as the bartender line up two shot glasses and fill them with Irish whiskey. He places the two short tumblers on the dark sticky counter in front of me. 

“A rough day today detective?” 


I don't answer him as I knock back the first one.

 I stare down at the remaining shot of mahogany liquid of comfort I can feel the hot tears stinging the back of my eyes.

"Damn it" I curse silently.


 From the bottom of the glass shattered dreams and bodies stare back at me with vacant eyes of death.  I  hold the glass up to my trembling lip and gulp it down in one swallow. I wait for the alcohol to quiet the restless din of the demons. 

A short time later I pull a ten dollar bill out of my flat badge case and toss it on the bar.  I stand up to leave.

“Good Night Detective. See you tomorrow.” Bill says.

“I have no choice”,  I mumbled as I pushed opened the door and head home hoping once again that the demons will let me sleep tonight.





This is the first time I have ever submitted anything! Feels scary yet exciting!

11 comments:

  1. I love this. I think you did a great job showing the ongoing consequences here. Two small bits of concrit:

    "I need to quiet the demons that reside in my mind and is fed by the ugliness I spend all day fighting." - should be ARE not IS

    "I stare down at the remaining shot of mahogany liquid of comfort I can feel the hot tears stinging the back of my eyes." - should be two sentences.

    I do have to say I love this line : "From the bottom of the glass shattered dreams and bodies stare back at me with vacant eyes of death."

    Nice job!

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    1. I welcome the critiques. Thank you!

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  2. A great take on a classic theme. First, I need to know where I can get two shots of whiskey for $10 - cuz that's a deal!

    Great take on the prompt!

    - Barbara @ de rebus, www(dot)barbaragildea(dot)com

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    1. Lol...I knew I should have asked my 24 year old son how much a shot of whiskey cost! Great lesson learned - do the research

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  3. Nice scene.you've crafted some great questions that intrigue the reader and make them want more.

    I really enjoyed the imagery of looking down into the glass and seeing those shattered lives. Fabulous visual.

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  4. Love this-He's so tormented and it comes across in the piece. I'd love to follow him for a day, figure out what makes him go to the bar every night.

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  5. Very nice, lots of torment and anguish.

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  6. The raw emotion here is perfect for present tense.

    concrit: I need to quiet the demons that reside in my mind and is fed by the ugliness I spend all day fighting. The consequence is that I end up taking them home with me.

    You've some mixed tenses happening here. The demons I'm assuming are the subject that needs feeding. "I need to quiet the demons that reside in my mind and are fed by the ugliness I spend all day fighting."

    I'd go a little further to tighten the phrasing though: "I need to quiet the demons residing in my mind. They're fed by the ugliness I fight daily and bring home nightly."

    Just some suggestions.

    Great vignette and take on the prompt! Well done!

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    1. Thank you! Your suggestions are very helpful. I appreciate you taking the time to helping me out!

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  7. I love the intensity you achieved in this very short interaction. You really made me feel the detective's pain.

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    1. Thank you Marcy. The detective's pain was what I was focusing on!

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